I just can't stop thinking about this. Trial, testing. Times of pain that shake us and our beliefs. That make us question the One whom we trusted. Why, God have you done this? Why have you allowed this? What did I ever do to deserve this?
And He answers "In this I have so much to show you. In this pain, only in this pain can you ever taste my incredible mercy. Here, while you lie awake wild with worry, I have you to myself. Just call my name, and your worry will fade into peace. When you have hungered, my word became your manna. When you shouted at me, I loved you still. How can I show you my great love for you when you don't need me? This isn't about you getting stronger. This is about me getting closer."
So maybe this isn't a test. But a blessing. Not a trial, more like an opportunity to walk on the water. Do I trust Him? Or will I look around at the ocean's storm, look down, and doubt? And there He is right beside me saying. Come, and follow me. Where He is my strength. He is my comfort. Where I tread the oceans rippling waves. And where He gets all the glory. Trial? No, mercy. Test? No, grace. Him. Loving me.
Nicole
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
What I Want Right Now
I'm in a mood. A mood that has me longing for some new things. Maybe it's because it's March and I want fresh, and clean, and bright. Or maybe it's because I'm getting a boob biopsy next week, and I just want some things to get my mind off long needles plunging into my boob. Or maybe I'm just woman and I love me some new pretties now and again, and right now it's now. Anyway, here are some things I would love to indulge in. Most I won't, some I just might!
1. A Coconut Frapuccino from Starbucks. I want one right now. The calories though...
2. Plants. Not such a green thumb, but I really want an old table in my office with an array of beautiful indoor plants.
3. A puppy. I have no idea what is making me want one. Please talk me out of this. And I want to name him Fenway. Cool, huh?
4. New furniture. It was the plan, until the car broke. Dang car. But, oh how I want something amazing.
5. A pedicure. One where they massage my legs for like an hour.
6. I know this sounds strange, but I would LOVE a skin/rug. Fake. Or faux. However you want to call it. But, I think they look so cool. Hate me. I don't care.
7. A massage.
8. New pajamas. I love new pajamas. And I need some so bad. Just ask Patti, the school bus driver. She sees me in them every morning.
9. A tummy tuck. Don't judge.
10. More hours in each day to accomplish it all. And of course more $ in the bank would help!
Thanks for listening. I think I might start on a couple of them, like the frappucino, and maybe a pedicure. How about you? What do you want right now?
Nicole
1. A Coconut Frapuccino from Starbucks. I want one right now. The calories though...
2. Plants. Not such a green thumb, but I really want an old table in my office with an array of beautiful indoor plants.
3. A puppy. I have no idea what is making me want one. Please talk me out of this. And I want to name him Fenway. Cool, huh?
4. New furniture. It was the plan, until the car broke. Dang car. But, oh how I want something amazing.
5. A pedicure. One where they massage my legs for like an hour.
6. I know this sounds strange, but I would LOVE a skin/rug. Fake. Or faux. However you want to call it. But, I think they look so cool. Hate me. I don't care.
7. A massage.
8. New pajamas. I love new pajamas. And I need some so bad. Just ask Patti, the school bus driver. She sees me in them every morning.
9. A tummy tuck. Don't judge.
10. More hours in each day to accomplish it all. And of course more $ in the bank would help!
Thanks for listening. I think I might start on a couple of them, like the frappucino, and maybe a pedicure. How about you? What do you want right now?
Nicole
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Breast Matters
Just the other day, I noticed something unusual about myself and my post baby, rather flabby, downright scary body. I grew a lump. And not a lump like cellulite on my hiney. Rather, a lump in my breast. Now, it is okay. I went to my doctor and she checked it out, though not sooner than two IBCLC friends got a look and feel. Thank you guys. All is encouraging and good. Or shall I say, will be after they flatten me like a pancake to confirm all is good on Monday. And, truly I am fine and have peace. But, it got me thinking. I am a hormonal woman. Known to cry, get upset, frequently wanting to throttle someone. It's true. I am not ashamed, or yes I am. Depending on the day and situation. And I was thinking, what if she were worried? What if the news was, ya know, breast cancer? Would I have shaken my fist toward heaven yelling "WHY?" Would I have fallen to the foot of the cross giving thanks still? What would I have really done?
My mouth. I have a big one. Words spew forth like hot bile so easily vomited up. At times control for me is just not saying more, as if what I said wasn't damaging enough. Like I'm some sort of saint. And I'm driving on this busy highway praying and thinking about this. How many women leave these appointments so scared with horrible news. And here I am with complete peace and hope and I'm FINE. And I'm wrestling with this. And the Lord reminds me of being renewed by Him. And being transformed by Him. That it's a work in progress. That we are a work in progress. And He does the work when we let Him. We stay close. He does the work.
And He reminds me of things. Of how we get through things. Like my cervical cancer. And multiple surgeries. Or Gracie's mole scare. Or raising teens who quite frankly tear you down at times. Or, like everyone else, stuff. Life stuff. We all have it. But, where do we go when we get blindsided? That makes all the difference.
And God is good no matter. He has this plan. One I cannot see. It's one I choose to follow, blindly being led by the Master. He sees. I trust. He leads. I follow. He allows. I see. And I go. And I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I'm good. Then, waves of guilt. Her. Breast gone now. Her. Lump gone now. Her. LIFE GONE NOW. And I go before Him and give thanks. Oh Lord. He knows what I don't know. His ways are not my ways.
This lump is a reminder of what I meant when I gave Him my life and my heart at four years old. It's not just handing it over. It's being okay with where He takes us. It's that renewing of one's mind that must take place over time and situation. It's God is in control. And, He loves me. He loves me. He knows me and my mouth and my heart and still loves me. This breast, His.
So now I will go and be tortured by flattening. Yes, it's humbling. And I will drive on that busy highway again, and I will pray for women who have this battle going on within their sweet bodies. That they are strengthened. That they fight and that they win.
My mouth. I have a big one. Words spew forth like hot bile so easily vomited up. At times control for me is just not saying more, as if what I said wasn't damaging enough. Like I'm some sort of saint. And I'm driving on this busy highway praying and thinking about this. How many women leave these appointments so scared with horrible news. And here I am with complete peace and hope and I'm FINE. And I'm wrestling with this. And the Lord reminds me of being renewed by Him. And being transformed by Him. That it's a work in progress. That we are a work in progress. And He does the work when we let Him. We stay close. He does the work.
And He reminds me of things. Of how we get through things. Like my cervical cancer. And multiple surgeries. Or Gracie's mole scare. Or raising teens who quite frankly tear you down at times. Or, like everyone else, stuff. Life stuff. We all have it. But, where do we go when we get blindsided? That makes all the difference.
And God is good no matter. He has this plan. One I cannot see. It's one I choose to follow, blindly being led by the Master. He sees. I trust. He leads. I follow. He allows. I see. And I go. And I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I'm good. Then, waves of guilt. Her. Breast gone now. Her. Lump gone now. Her. LIFE GONE NOW. And I go before Him and give thanks. Oh Lord. He knows what I don't know. His ways are not my ways.
This lump is a reminder of what I meant when I gave Him my life and my heart at four years old. It's not just handing it over. It's being okay with where He takes us. It's that renewing of one's mind that must take place over time and situation. It's God is in control. And, He loves me. He loves me. He knows me and my mouth and my heart and still loves me. This breast, His.
So now I will go and be tortured by flattening. Yes, it's humbling. And I will drive on that busy highway again, and I will pray for women who have this battle going on within their sweet bodies. That they are strengthened. That they fight and that they win.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Despicable Me
This morning, my husband and I drove to go pick up my car. Two weeks in the shop, and it's finally ready. Oh I have missed my little green station wagon. I was so excited to be a two car family again. One car sure puts a kink in things. Like, I need to work. So does he. Who gets the car? You know, I have wondered if we could ever go to one car. The answer is no.
So anyway, off we were. Things were fine until I asked a question with a hint of judgement in my voice. Things were no longer fine. No, they were not. I surely wasn't intending to sound judgemental, even if I was being so, yet that's what I accomplished doing. And we all know how that goes.
But, it got me thinking. I AM often judgemental when it comes to Dan. "Why are you chewing like that?", "Have you even showered today?", "You must be joking, tell me you didn't say/do that." . Sound familiar? Sadly, I bet it does. Why are we so easily rude to who matters most? Why do we woman chuckle when we realize these things about ourselves, and yet do nothing to change the pattern here.
I get it. I do. I am a woman, hormonal, mother of five. Married to a man. I get it. But, the truth is, I would never give that tone to a friend. Ever. He's right. And wanting him to be perfect, therefore I'll be better is a crock. God calls me to be my best, regardless of Dan. And the same goes to him. And, Dan was not giving me any crap. No, he was just taking it. Until he wasn't.
I really need a mirror some days. Take a look. Look past the wrinkles, and tired eyes. Look beyond the new zit. Go deeper. What about my attitude? Is it "poor me?". Is it "He's a jerk, and I don't give a crap? " If so, there is no makeup to cover that blemish. The one there on the heart that only God can renew. And you know what? That's what He is all about. He loves restoring what ails us. He's in the business. And nothing is more beautiful than a woman who smiles from the heart and who is good to her husband, as she is to her friends.
I feel stupid, small, and ugly. I need to do some exfoliating. Let the Lord soak in and work on this blemish. Ask forgiveness. It's humbling, really. But isn't that also where joy and freedom are found? On bended knee? It's how we see God in all His glory, down looking up.
Let us hold one another up, greater than ourselves. Me, him. Him, me.
Nicole
So anyway, off we were. Things were fine until I asked a question with a hint of judgement in my voice. Things were no longer fine. No, they were not. I surely wasn't intending to sound judgemental, even if I was being so, yet that's what I accomplished doing. And we all know how that goes.
But, it got me thinking. I AM often judgemental when it comes to Dan. "Why are you chewing like that?", "Have you even showered today?", "You must be joking, tell me you didn't say/do that." . Sound familiar? Sadly, I bet it does. Why are we so easily rude to who matters most? Why do we woman chuckle when we realize these things about ourselves, and yet do nothing to change the pattern here.
I get it. I do. I am a woman, hormonal, mother of five. Married to a man. I get it. But, the truth is, I would never give that tone to a friend. Ever. He's right. And wanting him to be perfect, therefore I'll be better is a crock. God calls me to be my best, regardless of Dan. And the same goes to him. And, Dan was not giving me any crap. No, he was just taking it. Until he wasn't.
I really need a mirror some days. Take a look. Look past the wrinkles, and tired eyes. Look beyond the new zit. Go deeper. What about my attitude? Is it "poor me?". Is it "He's a jerk, and I don't give a crap? " If so, there is no makeup to cover that blemish. The one there on the heart that only God can renew. And you know what? That's what He is all about. He loves restoring what ails us. He's in the business. And nothing is more beautiful than a woman who smiles from the heart and who is good to her husband, as she is to her friends.
I feel stupid, small, and ugly. I need to do some exfoliating. Let the Lord soak in and work on this blemish. Ask forgiveness. It's humbling, really. But isn't that also where joy and freedom are found? On bended knee? It's how we see God in all His glory, down looking up.
Let us hold one another up, greater than ourselves. Me, him. Him, me.
Nicole
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Vacation Day
Today was rather uneventful, which seemed kind of unusual for us since we never, ever, ever seem to have nothing to do. But it was like that today. My sweet sister Christie took Gracie for an overnight last night and Ben being tired slept in. Which never happens. It was so quiet here you could have heard a pin drop. It is never quiet at the Glover household. I made coffee, and sat until my butt hurt, which actually took a while. The house was neat, silent, and I had no where to rush off to. It was amazing! I actually felt a little bored. I don't think I've felt bored since 1978, so it's it's been awhile.
Then Christie, Gracie, and Jack picked me up for a trip to Target. Every day is a good day to go to Target. I think Target must have done psycholgical studies on women to decide what makes them happy. Who'd have thought a red target would do the trick? Everyone is happy there. Everything is good and well and red. I love that place. I happily hand them over a portion of my earnings every week, and never regret it. Ever. I wonder if men feel the same way about it. Could they? Or is it just a women thing? I even encourage new moms everywhere to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE as soon as they can, and go to Target. They all agree. It's good for them. I tell them of how when I had Gracie I had my first ever bout with post- partum depression. And truly going to Target every day helped me navigate my way out of that blackhole. It's bright, the people are nice, and ours even has a Starbucks. What else could you ever need? That was one expensive year.
After time with my sister and her squishy little baby Jack, Gracie and I came home to chill some more. Supper was relatively easy. Burgers, squash, potatoes, salad. Easy and quick. Now, I'm back on the couch feeling like I should be busy or something. But, alas I'll let it go. Maybe I'll go to Target.com and look for some things for spring.
Have a good night people!
Nicole
Then Christie, Gracie, and Jack picked me up for a trip to Target. Every day is a good day to go to Target. I think Target must have done psycholgical studies on women to decide what makes them happy. Who'd have thought a red target would do the trick? Everyone is happy there. Everything is good and well and red. I love that place. I happily hand them over a portion of my earnings every week, and never regret it. Ever. I wonder if men feel the same way about it. Could they? Or is it just a women thing? I even encourage new moms everywhere to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE as soon as they can, and go to Target. They all agree. It's good for them. I tell them of how when I had Gracie I had my first ever bout with post- partum depression. And truly going to Target every day helped me navigate my way out of that blackhole. It's bright, the people are nice, and ours even has a Starbucks. What else could you ever need? That was one expensive year.
After time with my sister and her squishy little baby Jack, Gracie and I came home to chill some more. Supper was relatively easy. Burgers, squash, potatoes, salad. Easy and quick. Now, I'm back on the couch feeling like I should be busy or something. But, alas I'll let it go. Maybe I'll go to Target.com and look for some things for spring.
Have a good night people!
Nicole
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
A Few of My Favorite Things
I've been sitting here on Pinterest dreaming about a new kitchen, a second functional bathroom, and better storage space. Things that make life function more easily, therefore make it more enjoyable. Not that I'm not grateful for what I have, I am. I just love though, dreaming ideas that someday may come to fruition. And all this got me thinking about my love for comfort, practical, and pretty. All rolled into one. Here are a few things that make my life even better.
1. A good bra. Now, I LOVE Victoria's Secret, but I also LOVE Calvin Klein bras which I have found at Marshall's or TJ Maxx for el cheapo! Like $5.99 cheap! Nothing like good support mixed with comfort and pretty. And let's just all admit a bad bra is just bad.
2. Good pots and pans. I love to cook and nothing beats good cookware. Heavy duty and shiny make me happy.
3. Heavy weighted silver ware. I hate cheap silver ware. It's what I got, but someday...
4. Nice sheets. Nothing beats crisp, tight fitting sheets. Love good sheets.
5. Yoga pants. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I love them.
6. Good shoes. So important to me. They can make all the difference when I teach for a full day.
7. A good book. Nothing beats time spent with a good read.
8. Eating out. I LOVE eating out. We don't very often, but I sure do enjoy it when we do. Nothing beats choices and somebody else doing all the work.
9. A good movie. Oh the joy of getting brought to a different land, or a different time. Kind of like good book, just shorter.
10. Home. Nothing beats it, especially when filled with those I love.
What makes you happy? What are some things you couldn't live without? Do share!
Nicole
1. A good bra. Now, I LOVE Victoria's Secret, but I also LOVE Calvin Klein bras which I have found at Marshall's or TJ Maxx for el cheapo! Like $5.99 cheap! Nothing like good support mixed with comfort and pretty. And let's just all admit a bad bra is just bad.
2. Good pots and pans. I love to cook and nothing beats good cookware. Heavy duty and shiny make me happy.
3. Heavy weighted silver ware. I hate cheap silver ware. It's what I got, but someday...
4. Nice sheets. Nothing beats crisp, tight fitting sheets. Love good sheets.
5. Yoga pants. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I love them.
6. Good shoes. So important to me. They can make all the difference when I teach for a full day.
7. A good book. Nothing beats time spent with a good read.
8. Eating out. I LOVE eating out. We don't very often, but I sure do enjoy it when we do. Nothing beats choices and somebody else doing all the work.
9. A good movie. Oh the joy of getting brought to a different land, or a different time. Kind of like good book, just shorter.
10. Home. Nothing beats it, especially when filled with those I love.
What makes you happy? What are some things you couldn't live without? Do share!
Nicole
Monday, February 20, 2012
My Momma
Yesterday was a fun Sunday. We met up with family at a restaurant to celebrate my mother's 49th birthday. Okay, not really her 49th but let's just pretend to make her feel better about this. Okay?
Well we had so much fun. I love it when we're all together. And I know my mother had fun too, she loves when we are all in the same place at the same time! A rarity these days. So in honor of her birthday I thought I'd share some fun stories to make you smile and make her laugh.
My personal favorite was when my mother decided when I was maybe twelve to buy one of those thingamajigs that was like thick rubber bands that you attach to a door knob. You lie on the floor and pull on the bands with your hands and feet to get a resistance workout. Sounds all innocent until the antique, large, heavy, glass doorknob comes out of the door, flying across the room and lands squarely on users eye. I felt so bad for her, for like 1.7 seconds and then the twelve year old in me couldn't stand it any longer and burst out into a heap of wild laughter. I couldn't help myself. She was balling with a bulging eye, and I a laughing fool. She had every right to doubt my affection after that! Thankfully she was okay though. Well, after a couple of weeks of bruising, swelling, and strangers staring. Sorry Mom. It has made for quite a story though!
A favorite tradition for us was watching Little House on the Prairie each week. We watched every one. Popcorn, or ice cream. All together on the couch. I still love that show. It brings back such warm memories, and stands for everything good and true.
I used to love picking flowers for my mom. Not ones from our yard though. No. From a beautiful, well manicured yard instead. I'd sneak in and chop away, worried someone would see me and call the police. I'd run home and surprise her hoping she'd be happy, and she always was!
Our small town had a KMart when I was little, and my mother and I went all the time. One of my favorite things to do there was go into the cafe part and order mashed potatoes with gravy. It was our time and I still can taste the gravy if I close my eyes and think about it. Carb lover even then! I also remember when my mom helped me pick out a Rubic's Cube for my brother there the year it was all the rage. I brought it home, wrapped it and stuck it under the tree. He got me the very same thing!
I also remember going to my aunt's Italian restaurant when my mother worked there. If it was slow, my mother would allow me to hand out menus. I thought I owned the place! Then my brother and I would order snacks and sit at the waitress's station feeling big.
When we were sick, my mother would always put on a pot of soup. That with Vick's vapor rub, and we'd be better in no time. We'd lie on the couch, watch TV, and sip on soup. Wish I could go back sometimes. The comfort in the scent of the rub and the soup, watching Gilligan's Island with my mom...
Another thing I'll always treasure is knowing how much my mother loves me. She is and always has been there for me. And by me, I mean us. She never is too busy, never too rushed. She will always take the time, no matter how long. A word of encouragement, and smile offered, a hug's embrace. I hope I can slow down enough to live by her example in this.
I love you Mom. Happy Birthday! May this year be a blessing to you and may all your dreams come true!
Love,
Coco
Well we had so much fun. I love it when we're all together. And I know my mother had fun too, she loves when we are all in the same place at the same time! A rarity these days. So in honor of her birthday I thought I'd share some fun stories to make you smile and make her laugh.
My personal favorite was when my mother decided when I was maybe twelve to buy one of those thingamajigs that was like thick rubber bands that you attach to a door knob. You lie on the floor and pull on the bands with your hands and feet to get a resistance workout. Sounds all innocent until the antique, large, heavy, glass doorknob comes out of the door, flying across the room and lands squarely on users eye. I felt so bad for her, for like 1.7 seconds and then the twelve year old in me couldn't stand it any longer and burst out into a heap of wild laughter. I couldn't help myself. She was balling with a bulging eye, and I a laughing fool. She had every right to doubt my affection after that! Thankfully she was okay though. Well, after a couple of weeks of bruising, swelling, and strangers staring. Sorry Mom. It has made for quite a story though!
A favorite tradition for us was watching Little House on the Prairie each week. We watched every one. Popcorn, or ice cream. All together on the couch. I still love that show. It brings back such warm memories, and stands for everything good and true.
I used to love picking flowers for my mom. Not ones from our yard though. No. From a beautiful, well manicured yard instead. I'd sneak in and chop away, worried someone would see me and call the police. I'd run home and surprise her hoping she'd be happy, and she always was!
Our small town had a KMart when I was little, and my mother and I went all the time. One of my favorite things to do there was go into the cafe part and order mashed potatoes with gravy. It was our time and I still can taste the gravy if I close my eyes and think about it. Carb lover even then! I also remember when my mom helped me pick out a Rubic's Cube for my brother there the year it was all the rage. I brought it home, wrapped it and stuck it under the tree. He got me the very same thing!
I also remember going to my aunt's Italian restaurant when my mother worked there. If it was slow, my mother would allow me to hand out menus. I thought I owned the place! Then my brother and I would order snacks and sit at the waitress's station feeling big.
When we were sick, my mother would always put on a pot of soup. That with Vick's vapor rub, and we'd be better in no time. We'd lie on the couch, watch TV, and sip on soup. Wish I could go back sometimes. The comfort in the scent of the rub and the soup, watching Gilligan's Island with my mom...
Another thing I'll always treasure is knowing how much my mother loves me. She is and always has been there for me. And by me, I mean us. She never is too busy, never too rushed. She will always take the time, no matter how long. A word of encouragement, and smile offered, a hug's embrace. I hope I can slow down enough to live by her example in this.
I love you Mom. Happy Birthday! May this year be a blessing to you and may all your dreams come true!
Love,
Coco
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